he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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