Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
