I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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