Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
