I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
