my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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