A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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