You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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