is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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