Even the bartender felt bad for me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
