can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
