I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
