While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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