Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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