saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
