I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize