So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
