Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
