So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
