I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
