Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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