dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
