well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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