Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
