But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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