NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
