sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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