I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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