Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize