I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
