the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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