I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
