You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
