I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
