We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sex in a hospital.. check
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
