I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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