i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
