1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
