I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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