Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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