Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
