sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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