I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
