If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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