there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
