i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
