In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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