please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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