if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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