Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
