I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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