White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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