I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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