VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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