he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
