I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
