I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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