She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
