I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
