There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize