Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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