There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
