Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
