Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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