there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
