listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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