Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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