the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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