i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
