Kiss
Puke
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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